There are a lot of projects on my desk at the moment, and there are a lot of things I plan to write about. I recently bought the parts to build a ProCo Rat, along with some other spare parts, and the other day I made a massive overhaul of my power supply to my pedal board. I’ve received a few of my parts in the mail, but am still expecting the bulk of my parts for my Rat. Once I get something done on that I’ll post some info, and while I have the camera out I’ll take some pictures of my pedal board power modification.

The new Weezer album came out at the beginning of the month, which I still have to review. I don’t think it’ll ever get done, but you can bet my review won’t be positive.

But, back to my point.

Edmark had a small gathering maybe a month ago, and the topic of games made into movies cam up. Then I asked the question, “If they made a Half Life 2 movie, who would make the best cast.” I had been thinking about it a few days before and after we talked about it for a little bit, I decided to make a list. I was going to make a fancy photo thing where you could compare their portraits, but I’m too lazy. Instead, I’m just going to link to their IMDB or Wiki page. So here it goes.

Harry’s Half Life 2 Movie Cast!

Gordon Freeman

Gordon doesn’t talk. Well, hopefully not. Depending on who I pick to direct my movie (Spielberg probably), I might give some artistic leeway. So it only mattered that they look right, could act without speaking, and don’t appear douchey with Alyx on their arm and a gravity gun in their hand.  Oh, and the whole suit thing has to look okay. But I guess that’s still “looking right” but whatever.

Winner - Edward Norton
So he’s not a badass. But, the timid quality of Gordon is what makes him such a cool character. Tell me you can’t see Edward Norton blasting the slimy feces out of an antlion’s rectum with a shotgun. Edward Norton, cracking Combine skulls with a crowbar, and he doesn’t say a damn word. That would be grand.

Other Choices
Hugh Laurie – So maybe Norton doesn’t want to do it (DOUBT IT), so I have to pick someone else. Hugh Laurie has already proven himself as an incredible actor, and would make a pretty BA Gordon Freeman. He’s a bit old to play Gordon, many have said, but who cares? You kill those headcrabs, Dr. House!

Jeff Goldblum – Not a perfect fit, but still a good choice. Could play a pretty good Freeman, but I think it would only work if he talked and said some witty lines.

Robert Downey Jr. – Not as far fetched as Goldblum, but it might work. He’s already played Iron Man, and he looked good in the suit, but I’m skeptical. Maybe I’ll offer Ed Norton more money.

Alyx Vance

The only requirements for Miss Vance is that she’s hot, is a decent actor, and have a tolerable voice, because I’ll be dammed if I have to listen to some annoying ass voice the whole movie. Let’s face it, Alyx has to talk, and when she talks, she talks a lot.

Winner - Rosario Dawson or Aisha Tyler
Okay, so I couldn’t pick. Rosario is too “unique” looking, and Aisha is too-… um, black. Dawson would be my first choice, but Aisha Tyler has a great voice for Alyx. Whatever though. Both are really hot and that’s what really matters.

Other Choices
Merle Dandridge- She’s got the voice. Actually, she is the voice. Doesn’t look the part, but it could work, I suppose.

Jamil Mullen –Jamil looks the part. Actually, she is the part. I mean, the character is modeled and textured after her. I’ve heard she doesn’t have a good voice, but they could dub that, right?

Halle Berry – Not perfect for Alyx, but she’s hot. Maybe if she gained some weight and grew her hair out a bit.

Barney Calhoun

Though a small part, a screen adaptation could involve Barney a bit more. No requirements other than looking cool shooting guns.

Winner - Matthew Broderick

Looks the part and he’s a great actor. Shooting guns? Sure. Maybe a bit too old, but who cares. Barney could be old. His character is sort of plain anyway. Give him some grit.

Other Choices

Jeffrey Dean Morgan – He’s got the look and the style. Too passive though. I’d have to see his audition tape.

Robert Downey Jr. – RDJ again? Hey, he could play a good Barney too. If I was short on actors I bet he could play both Gordon and Barney.

Dylan Walsh – Unless he’s cutting up titties, I don’t think Walsh is very interesting, but I guess I’ve never seen him do any real acting. I can’t imagine him, like, shouting a battle cry. And he’s not the kind of face I want to see pop out of Combine helmet. He doesn’t have that Harrison Ford as Han Solo quality about him. Either does Broderick, but he’s a better actor.

Eli Vance

Eli was another character I struggled with. Immediately I thought Morgan Freeman. Doesn’t fit the part really, but would be cool. I would be willing to lose the character qualities of Eli, but I think it would feel like a different movie.

Winner – Bill Cobbs

Looks the part, talks the part, acts the part. He’s perfect. Give this man a green vest and cut off one of his legs.

Other Choices

Morgan Freeman – Would be sweet, but I’m not looking for a narrator.

Danny Glover – Too tall and happy faced. Also, all I can think about is Operation Dumbo Drop.

Robert Guillaume – Got the voice (He is the voice! Are these jokes working for you?), but doesn’t look the part. Too skinny and he sort of shakes like Ray Charles when he talks.

Wallace Breen

Really, Breen’s part doesn’t matter. I’d probably cut him out for the most part. So why not have a super celeb to play him?

Winner – Sean Connery

White hair and beard? Check. You’ve got the part Connery. Also, write it somewhere in the script that Breen is Scottish.

Other Choices
Dennis Hopper – Too scrawny, but most of the time he’s on a screen so I guess it doesn’t matter.

Donald Sutherland – I don’t know why I added Sutherland. He’s scary as hell.

Isaac Kleiner

This was the hardest to pick, and I’m still not happy. If you have any other ideas, let me know.

Winner – Dan Butler

Looks the part. More timid that the other choices I had. Seriously, who could play Kleiner? I’m stumped.

Other Choices

Ed Harris – I can’t see Ed Harris playing a non-badass role. It just doesn’t work for him

Ben Kingsley – Too aggressive, but not as aggressive as Ed Harris. Might work, but doesn’t feel right.

G-Man

Just got to be creepy and have a wicked voice.

Winner - Christopher Walken

Who could play this role better? No one, that’s who.

Other Choices

James Woods, David Carradine, Bill Nighy

Who cares? I pick Walken!

Judith Mossman

Like Breen, Judith could be easily cut from the script. So it doesn’t really matter who plays her.

Winner - Jennifer Connelly

Whatever. Everyone hates Judith anyway. What good has she done?

Other Choices

Cate Blanchett or Michelle Forbes

Both too young and too pretty. Blanchett might work if she had dark hair and didn’t say anything. Forbes if she worked on her voice acting (JKLOL!).

Father Grigori

Grigori could be cut too, I supposed, but those dark city sections were a hefty part of the game. Grigori could be played by a lot of people.

Winner - Bob Hoskins

Why? Because I like his voice. Can’t picture him killing headcrab zombies, but it would look hilarious, I can assure you.

Other Choices

Jean Reno – Sometimes he looks scary, buy like I did with Walken, I’m going to demand Bob Hoskins.

Random Characters

Odessa Cubbage - Jim Broadbent

I read that somewhere and I thought it was hilarious. He has to have that crazy mustache like he did in Moulin Rouge though.

Dr. Arne Magnusson - Ian Holm

Another name I pulled from a forum because I couldn’t think of anyone. Holm has the hair, but not the eyebrows.

Vortigaunt (voice)- Louis Gossett Jr

Name a better choice. I dare you.

Citizens and Resistance - Justin Timberlake, Shia LaBeouf

Again, pulled from a forum, they mentioned having random celebrities playing resistance and wandering citizens. Timberlake and LaBeouf are both good actors, but not good enough to play any lead roles. Give them a knit cap and some jean jackets and they’re good to go.

Well, I hope you liked my cast list. I kind of rushed it at the end because I’m tired and didn’t want to write anymore. Suggestions are welcome. I need some help with some of the characters.

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“I’m Harry and I draw people’s shoes. I have a fat girlfriend and blue hair. How are you today? Aren’t my sideburns manly?”